i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
