i jhust puked up my retainher.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
