You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
