he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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