Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
