i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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