Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
