The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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