If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
