2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
