As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Maybe he injected his testicle?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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