Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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