Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You need Xanax blowdarts
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
