oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
