Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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