hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
worst night to have a conscience
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
