I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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