did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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