I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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