the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
