I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
