Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
