I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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