The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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