How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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