erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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