i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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