I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
