I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
