you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
