i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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