If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
