So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
