I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
