thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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