Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
