I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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