You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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