4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
