He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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