Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
did i just pee glitter
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