Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
