the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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