just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
