Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
