Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
