Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
