I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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