New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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