just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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