Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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