my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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