I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
