my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
