Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize