I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
