sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
