Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
