if you like me you must not know who I am
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
