I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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