My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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