I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
