Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
