So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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