Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
