He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
