I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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