she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
