It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
