I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
